XOXO – Hugs and kisses??

I grew up telling the people around me that hugs were freakishly over-rated! People would hug each other for seemingly unnecessary reasons and it would annoy me to the core! Moreover I couldn’t stand it when these people thought they had to share their hugs with me!
I meet an old friend – a hug, I meet an old aunt – a hug.
I see someone after a weekend – a hug.
I get good marks – a hug, I get bad marks – a hug.
I hurt myself – a hug, I get a present – a hug!

Why?? I could never – for the love of God – understand why these people needed to hug other people so much! I would often think, ‘can’t everyone just maintain a little distance from everyone else and deal with their joys and sorrows from afar?’ I had something against physical contact with most people, so the constant hugging business practically made me nauseous! I especially hated those people who loved to hug so tight that you could practically feel every bone in your body as well as in the other person’s body! I would make excuses, throw tantrums and everything else I could think of, to get away from hugs. Some friends even thought that when I was really upset everything would be better by hugging me! Yeah! one tight squeeze could probably make me shed a few calories but not shed some grief! But no one really got that! Whenever a friend was going away on vacation or for an internship I would say goodbye with a firm handshake and a smile and most of my friends would feel offended. They began to think I didn’t care enough, and well – they were my friends at the end of the day – so I decided I needed to make them happy and live up to their expectations. If it was a hug they wanted it would be a hug they got! ‘How hard could it be?’ I asked myself and convinced myself that it was just like a blood test or like ripping off a band aid or like getting a tooth plucked out! The pain would last for just a moment and then it would be over!

So thus started the hugging business – at all times when a hug was called for I would hug the person and even pretend to like it! My friends thought there was a miraculous change in me but little did they know that every time I hugged a person I would think, ‘I’d rather have the band aid.’ But everyone was happy and I fulfilled my social and pointless responsibility of hugging people! But just when all was well in the world, in came another crisis! I was upset one day and when my friends saw that, they all rushed over to hug me. And in my mind I was going ‘baaaaaarrrrrrffff!’ I couldn’t uphold the social duty of hugging in this minute of sorrow! But did I have a choice? Me being the do-good-er that I am I had to do the right thing and allow people to – yech! – hug me!

It was then a habbit among all my social equals to hug me and expect a hug back whether the moment was dark or bright! I wallowed in my own misery as I hugged person after person! And I cribbed everyday, silently – to myself, about how much I hated hugs!
As time passed, I grew up and entered a fine college with fine specimen of today’s youth – vibrant, energetic, filled with ideas! There was just one problem – there were all addicted – to HUGS!! This place was worse than the one I had come from – here, people would hug each other just as a way of greeting! I would regret even saying hello because that would mean it was ‘hug-time’. I had to get accustomed to pulling that band aid off several times a day and there’s this thing about band aids – you can only pull them off a certain number of times without getting annoyed. And the same was the case with hugs and me. That much physical contact in a day was more than what I could bear! Nevertheless, I did it – day after day – without complaining!

Then came one curious day when I was all alone at home and feeling a little blue. I didn’t know what was happening or why I was so low, but I did know that all of a sudden, for some insane reason – I wanted a hug! I couldn’t understand why I was acting like this and decided to blame it on teenage hormones! But no matter whom or what I blamed it on, I realized that the only thing that could make me feel better – was a hug! That was the moment when I was enlightened! I realized that this cruel world I lived in had managed to drag me in too! The last standing soldier had fallen and I too was addicted! I decided to accept the change and move on. After all, everyone made mistakes! From that day on, there was no more pretending! I would hug everyone of my own will and would even enjoy doing so! Days passed in this manner and then came this one day. Yet another day which started off pretty well as I had had some pretty exciting news! But I couldn’t share it with anyone as it had to be a surprise. So there were no hugs there. And as the day progressed it didn’t get any better.So I sat up till midnight pondering over issues. Just about when I was done going around the same problem over and over in my head, I realized, how desperately I wanted a hug at that moment! But there I sat – all alone with no one but my pillow to hug! I didn’t know what else to do, so I sat down at my computer and began writing about how I used to think that hugs were really over-rated…

Bored Is Not The Word For It!!

in the month of June i answered my CPT exam( common proficiency test). this being a pretty big deal for me (and the fact that i hadn’t studied a word all summer) i decided to give up everything else and study my ass off for the last fortnight. this included friends, movies, tv, cell phone, wordpress, books, sleep and everything else i previously called a life. exam got over(and i am currently waiting for my results) and the aftermath of furious friends and a dead blog arrived.

lets begin with wordpress first, because its easier to explain. my blog which previously had at least one comment every time i logged in and at least 30 – 40 hits has not even seen 30 hits since my last post. i have sort of lost that knack of writing and though i wouldn’t exactly call it ‘writer’s block’ there is something annoyingly different about the way i write now.

my friends – (or maybe one particular friend) was so pissed off that i had been avoiding her all month that she was happier than me when my exam final got over i keep looking at my phone nowadays wondering, who ever did text me before? when i come home from college i have no idea what to do because i don’t really have to study right now. thankfully i have amazing friends and projects to keep me occupied otherwise i have no idea what i would do all day. this was the first normal sunday that i was having after my exam and i was totally looking forward to it. but now – Bored Is Not The Word For It!!! i had a meeting today morning and then my mom and me went shopping and then a friend came over – but when all that was over, i had no idea what to do. i have done almost everything there is to do on facebook, played more solitaire than i have ever played in my life and went through all the bored.com games and quizzes in this one day.

i am at a complete loss when it comes to spending my time wisely. i am currently texting my new gay best friend (:P – sorry) and i just got off the phone after talking to one of my girl best friends. i’m done with dinner and i officially have nothing else to do!!! that is when wordpress came to my rescue. thankfully i have a very busy Monday and Tuesday ahead of me and i hope i get used to doing nothing by then.!!

 

a birthday wish..

ten teenagers were sitting on a table in a coffee house. although everyone else was either talking quietly or watching the other’s talk, two people seemed to be yelling at each other. well, the girl was yelling at the boy and the boy was just trying to get a word in. as the girl kept yelling at the boy, the waiter came over and kept a cake in the middle of the table. the girl didn’t give it too much importance and continued yelling. then – she stopped. she looked at cake and saw ‘happy 17th’ written on it. she looked up at the guy and he gave her a big grin. they all yelled ‘surprise’!!!!!!!! she then felt completely stupid for yelling at the guy who had bought her a cake. after laughing it off, everyone asked her to make a wish and blow the candles. she looked at the candle and her mind went back to the previous day. she was arguing with the same guy and this time, he was telling her that he wouldn’t wish her on her birthday. she kept telling him that there was no way that he could resist wishing her. he walked away after saying, “lets see.” at 12 o’clock one of her best friends called her up. it was exactly 12.01 when she called.

she asked, “was he the first one to wish you?”

the girl replied, “no.”

“aww.. too bad, that would ave been cute!!” said the friend.

“knock it off!! he doesn’t know i like him.”

“and i still can’t figure out why.” said the friend with a smirk that the girl could here over the phone.

that morning, as she was surrounded by her friends, this guy walked up to her.

he smiled. she smiled back.

he started talking about normal stuff, and she replied innocently.

he lasted 6 minutes. and then he said, “ok! ok! i can’t take it anymore!!”

“happy birthday!!! “

the girl then said, “hah! i knew it!!”

he gave her one of his infamous grins and said, “yeah yeah.. whatever”

all her girlfriends started “awwwing” silently from behind. she gave them a murderous glance and turned away. he was very sweet that day. he didn’t argue much, he let her win every argument they inevitably had. and he smiled – a lot. almost everyone had asked her if they were dating. so many of them had come up to her and told her that it was just cute the way they kept arguing all the time.

she looked at the candle.

should i wish for him? almost everyone thinks its going to happen. and it would be incredibly nice if we were dating.

he smacked the back of her head and said, “you know, you only have 24 hours to celebrate.”

she looked at the candle again, closed her eyes and wished…

i wish that i do well in my board exams this year, and i am successful in choosing the right career for myself.

a month after that, he told her that he had been crushing on another girl for the past 6 months. she smiled, thankful that she had wished for something that could actually happen.

love is never dependable. people might tell you that it will work out/everything will be fine/ he will ask you out.. but it doesn’t have to happen. if you are lucky, it will. but most of us out there aren’t. so concentrate on everything else in life – your family, friends, studies, hobbies, blogs – everything else. love will come and go on its own. don’t spend your time fretting over it. i know today, that not telling him was a very good step. had i listened to everyone else i would have lost a very good friend. today, i no longer feel any of those things. but i have a reliable friend. so what are you going to do?? blindly believe that you will have your own fairy tale or take control of your emotions and ensure that you don’t end up getting hurt?

the dog, the rain and my passion.

Image via Wikipedia

It was raining pretty heavily. But I didn’t care. With every drop of rain that touched me I felt more secure. I felt like I was disappearing into the rain, and the wind was taking me away with it. But a part of me was still in the present; looking at every tiny object around me- romanticizing it all! I had been like this for quite sometime now and I had no idea why. I barely spoke to my friends any more and I didn’t concentrate on anything I was supposed to be doing. All I ever did was analyze everything, look at life from a different perspective, a different angle. I thought about everything I wanted to do, all the places I wanted to visit, all the food I wanted to eat and all the colours I wanted in my life. I sat at home, watching movie after movie, in languages I didn’t even understand. And I loved it! I loved the peace and the silence I kept all around me. But I also had this thunderous roar sounding within me. And with every drop of rain that touched me, just as I was floating away with the wind, I was also looking for answers. And then I saw this dog sprawled on the pavement and he seemed like the only one on that pavement who espoused my policy of gripping the rain. He seemed as away from the world as he was with it-just like me. Then it hit me. I was shutting them out because they weren’t what I was. As in, I belonged to another world. A world filled with writers, filmmakers, critics and artists. And a world with a whole lot of colour. They loved me but they didn’t understand me. I needed someone to understand my need to watch movies in languages I didn’t understand. I needed someone to understand my need to stay silent in the midst of a huge crowd. I needed someone to know that I yearned to laugh and cry at the same time. And I also needed someone not just to know these things, but also to understand them, to feel them and to go through the same stuff with me. And all of a sudden I felt happy because the dog understood me. The dog was with me. As petrified I am of dogs I was still grateful for that one dog, because in that moment-he had made me happy. So I left it all there- the dog, the rain…

 

going out with a bang!! :)

my p.u. college farewell happened yesterday, and all through the two years that we have been there, my friends and me wanted to do something different. anything, which was memorable and we could remember and laugh at it when we were 50 years old. we finally found that moment yesterday!!! though it isn’t something i would laugh at, it is definitely something that made me feel proud of myself!!

we were all given ice-creams after the formal program and then we went out for lunch. we had to come back to college and wait for a few friends. as they happened to be late, we waited for them in the parking lot. the college was almost empty by then and as we were talking we realized that the campus was really dirty because of the empty ice cream cups. since none of us had had any ice-cream we started complaining about how inconsiderate the other people were and how they had absolutely no civic sense which they proved by strewing the cups all over.  then i realized that thats all we ever do. we complain, but  never do anything. so then in the spur of a moment, we got up and started picking up the cups. it was a tedious task, but we managed to clear more than 3/4 of the cups before the attenders came and begged us to go away they had never seen any students do their work, and they didnt know how to react!! after giving us a watery smile and a thank you, they got back to their work. as it was around 2 in the afternoon then, we were really tired as the sun had spared us no mercy. but we went out with a smile that day because we were proud to have actually taken a step towards improving a cause we believed in!!

we managed to kill two birds at one time. (not exactly the phrase i am looking for in the current context ). because we helped our college and our city as well as left our mark in a place we love so much!!!

i hope this isn’t the last time we make an effort to do something good and also hope that a lot of people also help us in keeping our respective cities clean.

what do i write about today??

you might notice that i haven’t posted anything for a really long time. that is because all this while i have been wondering what i can write about. there has been so much going on in my life in the past few days that i have been thinking about a lot of things and going through different ideas. and each time i sat at my table to write something for this blog my mind went blank and i began to wonder ‘what do i write about today?’
everyday i went through the same question over and over again, each time coming up with a better idea than the last one. in a short while there were so many things that i could write about that i was getting confused with the whole lot. every time i sat down to write i was thinking about soo many things that it was difficult to focus and stick to one thing. the times when i did manage to begin writing i would just start rambling and after a sentence or two i would start talking about a totally different topic without even realizing it. in this time i went through different blogs and sought different ideas and opinions on what to write. i literally typed ‘ideas to write a blog on’, in google.

you might wonder as to what different ideas did this girl get that she got so confused? (even if your not wondering i want to tell you)

well firstly my closest girlfriends have been having a hard time this past week or so. all’s not well for them and i wanted to write about life and the various surprises that it can bring us and how we need to stay positive and believe in a happy ending all through out. but at the same time i was going through this period of self-realization and i also wanted to tell you guys about me. who i really am and how i have realized different truths about myself.

also because of certain events feminism is on my mind a lot and i wanted to write about women, and how far we have come in standing up for ourselves. i had also written a short umm.. paragraph called ‘a moment’ and a friend had suggested that i expand that and write about it in a more elaborate way. while doing that i began thinking about life in a very spiritual manner and also about this association called ‘art of living’ that i am a part of. its based on spirituality and i was thinking about it a lot and i wanted to write about that too..

another association that i am a part of is called ‘chinmaya mission’ which is a religious body and it got me thinking about religion and how different people see it.. this also made me think about the difference between god and religion and the importance of both in our lives..

again there is a third association which i love dearly and it is called the ‘gavel club’. it is a public speaking forum backed by the toastmasters and its given me a lot of precious gifts. i wanted to write about the importance of public speaking in our lives and how most people neglect it.

like you can see, i was thinking about different things all through this week (some which i haven’t mentioned here) and when i actually sat down to write about it i couldnt choose. so i am still battling with the question ‘what should i write about today?’ and i hope i find an answer soon enough…………..

oh and if you have any suggestions please let me know..

this one is for all the writer’s who get confused.