just my rambling thoughts

my cpt economics text says, while discussing if economics is an art or a science, that science teaches us to know and art teaches us to do. science is theoretical, whereas art is practical. i find that so ironical because most of us associate science with practicality and arts with theory. the main reason i am even doing my c.a. is because i am supposed to be good with practicals. and yet i find the above sentence to be true because c.a. being more of a science than an art is very theoretical. so what put it into people’s minds that science and commerce is more practical than art? is it because of the existence of maths in science and commerce? or is it that most people are not familiar with the subjects in arts and hence find it to be complete theory? physics, chemistry, biology and electronics we know to be theoretical. yes, they do have practical problems but that does not make a subject practical. it is the essence of the subject that counts. for example, statistics. we count that as a practical subject because we only have practical problems in p.u.c and we can score a full 100 in our exams. but the essence of statistics is to keep records, to measure, to compare, to analyse and to communicate required information for the prediction of future trends and making of decisions. isn’t that pure theory now? computation of the matter is mere clerical work. similarly – accountancy. accountancy being divided into book-keeping, accounting and accountancy, is part science and part art. book keeping is again of a clerical grade. accounting, though of a slightly higher level, still counts as computation of the matter. and accountancy by itself is purely analytical – which again is theory. business studies/commerce is also a theory subject and economics no doubt is theory. subjects like psychology, sociology and journalism on the other hand, (as far as i know) concentrate on studying the subject in college which might come across as theory, but out there, in the real world, these subjects serve more as practical. they deal more with doing than thinking. but yet, our disorganized minds associate science and commerce with practicality and arts with theory. that just goes to prove what Kabir (i think) said..

“jo dikhta hai, woh hai nahin. aur jo hai wo dikhta nahin.”

(what seems to be there, isn’t really there. and what is there, doesn’t seem to be.) – its a rough translation.

i used to be someone else.

i was the lead singer in a band. we were three guys and two girls. we had two female singers and just me as a male singer. so i held auditions for another male singer. after a very disappointing audition we were all set to leave when she entered. she wanted to audition for us. i told her we didn’t need another female singer. she asked for one chance. one of the girls asked me to give her a chance. so we all sat down again and she started her song. i do not know at what point i stopped listening to the song. all i could see – was her. we let her into the band and i let her into my life. she was the best thing that happened to me. sometimes we just stay up late in the night composing songs together, or we go to the beach and just stare at the sky. we often play basketball together and every morning she makes coffee for us. even when we are practicing, sometimes we just look at each other and smile. i think i used to be someone else before, but i just can’t remember my life before her now.

board exams – what have you done to my room??????

as i type this post, i barely have space to keep my keyboard on the table. one end of it, is lying on my phone and the other end somehow managed to find a little spot on the desk. my mouse has gone missing under a huge pile of tangled chargers, headphones, ipods and phones. on my bedside table, there are two empty water bottles – oh and there is one on the floor next to it! – and one half filled bottle on my shelf. the bottle is accompanied by an avalanche of stationery. my computer looks like it hasn’t been dusted since the world war 2. and my soft toys -oh my poor poor soft toys!! – have not met my washing machine in ages!!

i can see books, on the wall shelf which separates my study and my room, on my actual book shelf, on my chair, on my stool (yes i am standing and writing this post), on my c.p.u and on my corner table. my dustbin is full of pencil shavings and there are a bunch of question papers on the floor next to it (they probably fell off the wall shelf). i can see dust on my study table right from my computer table and i can’t remember the last time i made my bed.

my bags are strewn all over the place(ok that happens on a normal basis too)and my plant – well, it kinda died during my tenth board exams. i was upset then, but right now i am happy that it didn’t have to see this. i do not know how the maid manages to sweep my room everyday even with so much stuff on the floor. god bless that poor soul who’s job involves sweeping my room. the only reason my mom is keeping quiet is because she wants me to do well in my exams. but, (and i NEVER thought i’d be saying this) even i think that my room is too messy now. it’s crossed the limit. luckily i just have two more exams, and on tuesday, the first thing that i am going to do is CLEAN MY ROOM!! yes mom-you read it right. it can actually happen.

like a scared little rabbit

this is just what i really feel. after a lot of thought i have decided to post this here. i don’t know why but i want to do it. this might be a mistake but sometimes in life we just have to make mistakes.

Sometimes I just feel so alone. Even though there are tons of people around me-I feel alone. Out of nowhere I start feeling that no one loves or no one wants me. I feel I am a big mouth and people are sick and tired of dealing with me, putting up with me. I want to change myself, but I can’t. I can, but I can’t. It’s like I am hopeless. Even if I want to do something I won’t-mostly because I am too lazy. And then I regret it. I wish I could muster up the courage to do what I really want to do or to say want I really want to say. But I am scared, all the time – scared of something or the other. I do not have the nerve to stand up for myself, to admit that I am wrong, to admit that I care, to admit that I didn’t/did do something. Always scared. And then I cry. When I remember all this, irrespective of where I am-I cry. I suddenly feel everyone is going to go away from me because of the kind of person I am- selfish, snobby, lazy, annoying. But I can’t explain this to anyone else because they will never agree. They will always say ‘no! that is absolute bullshit! we don’t think that. Why do you think such stuff?’ well, I know its true. Every person who has ever met me, has, for at least a minute – hated me. I have seen it. On everyone’s face, I have seen it in their eyes. But I can’t explain all this to someone else. Because when I try to speak, the right words just don’t come out. I sound stupid whenever I try to explain myself. And then everyone just thinks that I am making up some sort of emotional shit, trying to gain attention and acting like a drama queen. But they won’t admit it. I know they love me but they also hate me. To some extent they are disappointed in me. And I feel I have gotten this far just by fluke. I wish I could say this to someone, but I don’t know whom to talk to and how to say it. My friends, family are all there for me; but for some reason I just can’t talk. I wish I were different but I also wish I were the same.

the human touch.

i was using a calculator to study accounts when i decided to take a break. so i switched on my computer and started browsing through the internet. i was clarifying a friend’s doubts by texting her some answers and i was also texting my mom, asking if i need to finish any chores for her. i kept my phone down for a minute to lift my camera, remove the battery and connect it to the charger and then i continued texting. i then went into the kitchen to finish the chores. i switched on the tv and watched some cartoons while i did the chores. then i went to my terrace to water my plants and i picked up my iriver on the way and i listened to music while i watered the plants. then i turned to my laptop and logged into wordpress for a couple of minutes.

in less than 20 minutes i employed 6 different gadgets and now i have a slight headache!! its true. whatever is said about our generation and our comfortable lives is true. i have been arguing with a lot of people, trying to defend my generation and explain that we aren’t loosing the human touch. or our sense of humanity. we are not loners, we also socialize.

but today i realized that we only socialize through facebook and every other thing we do is also with the help of some sort of gadget. the only human contact i have had today is with mymaid, when i smiled at her and the only human voice i heard is her’s when she said ‘bartini rashmi’ (i’m leaving rashmi). what have we become? we work online, we spend our freetime online and while we are waiting for things to buffer we watch tv or text or listen to our ipods. what kind of a world are we living in? what kind of a world have we built for ourselves???

my experiments with photoshop

i know its not very good, but it makes me feel proud. at least i finally learnt to make photoshop collages. photoshop was all latin to me earlier. but while working on a group project i realized that learning to use it was essential. there were a few of us who stood dumb when it came to computers and a few were totally computer smart. though we could collaborate our ideas, they still had the upper hand. so i came home and started working on a collage. and after a million years or so (it was probably just a couple of hours) i came up with this!!!

you might think that it was a waste of my two hours, but at least i took the initiative

oh and the place you see in the collage is munnar, kerala, india. it’s beauty goes beyonds one’s imagination!! a small yet popular hill station known for its tea plantations. the clear streams, the cold air, the foggy mountains and the humble life out there knocks out your breath for a moment!!!!

its not my fault after all!!

this is just something i found on another site, describing people born on the 30th of any month. and since that includes me (i am born on the 30th of november) i want to post it here, because it is soo true!! every bit of it describes me perfectly. so according to this its not my fault that i am the way i am-but its because of my birth date!! next time you have a problem with me you know whom (or what) to blame..

 

Your birthday on the 30^th day of the month shows individual self expression is necessary for your happiness. You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner which is clear and understandable. You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skills with words. You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you maybe a good actor or a natural mimic. You have a way with imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story teller. Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think that you are on the right side of an issue. Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Rudyard kipling, mark twain, joseph stalin were born under the number three. You are always surrounded by a circle of friends. You are friendly and fun to be with. Though you occasionally disappoint them by being stubborn, overall they love your qualities. You want to have full control of your love and that is not a nice way to treat your partner. You take your time in saying yes to his wedding proposal or if you were a man, you will not propose anyone until you are certainly confident, which might take ages.

Personality tree:

uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership very seriously.

Birth Number:

 

 

9 The performer
9′s are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.

Chinese Astrology:

Rooster Characteristics

Roosters are very observant and most of the time, they are very accurate and precise with their observations. Perhaps, you can say that Roosters have a very keen “sixth-sense”. With Roosters, what you see is exactly what you get. There are no hidden depths to the Rooster’s character: They are neither complicated nor profound, rather, they are forthright and straightforward. The rooster likes to be noticed and flattered. They might dress a little flashily with this in mind, but in their hearts, they are completely conservative. Roosters are sociable and love to receive attention.

Believe it or not, it is not an easy task to fool the Rooster. Their minds are cautious and skeptical, and with this perceptive gift, Roosters make excellent trouble shooters, detectives, doctors, nurses and psychiatrists. Roosters are always up and about doing things. You rarely see a relaxed rooster that sits quietly in the living room, doing nothing. They are also multitalented, and can become accomplished in many different ways.

All Roosters are extremely conscious about clothing and appearance. They may appear conservative but they are obsessed with their looks and can spend hours standing in front of the mirrors.

The main virtue in the Rooster character is loyalty: they make devoted friends. They always keep their promises and are always true to their word. When Roosters love and admire someone, they will even catch the moon just to keep them happy.

Sagittarius:

You also seem to enjoy verbal duels with others whenever you can. And you sure can make sore losers, even suspecting foul play if things don’t go your way. You have a knack for confrontation and you can’t resist being sarcastic. You also don’t think too much of many people, because you have a mild superiority complex. Vanity is also a trait in many of you.

 

 

the dog, the rain and my passion.

Image via Wikipedia

It was raining pretty heavily. But I didn’t care. With every drop of rain that touched me I felt more secure. I felt like I was disappearing into the rain, and the wind was taking me away with it. But a part of me was still in the present; looking at every tiny object around me- romanticizing it all! I had been like this for quite sometime now and I had no idea why. I barely spoke to my friends any more and I didn’t concentrate on anything I was supposed to be doing. All I ever did was analyze everything, look at life from a different perspective, a different angle. I thought about everything I wanted to do, all the places I wanted to visit, all the food I wanted to eat and all the colours I wanted in my life. I sat at home, watching movie after movie, in languages I didn’t even understand. And I loved it! I loved the peace and the silence I kept all around me. But I also had this thunderous roar sounding within me. And with every drop of rain that touched me, just as I was floating away with the wind, I was also looking for answers. And then I saw this dog sprawled on the pavement and he seemed like the only one on that pavement who espoused my policy of gripping the rain. He seemed as away from the world as he was with it-just like me. Then it hit me. I was shutting them out because they weren’t what I was. As in, I belonged to another world. A world filled with writers, filmmakers, critics and artists. And a world with a whole lot of colour. They loved me but they didn’t understand me. I needed someone to understand my need to watch movies in languages I didn’t understand. I needed someone to understand my need to stay silent in the midst of a huge crowd. I needed someone to know that I yearned to laugh and cry at the same time. And I also needed someone not just to know these things, but also to understand them, to feel them and to go through the same stuff with me. And all of a sudden I felt happy because the dog understood me. The dog was with me. As petrified I am of dogs I was still grateful for that one dog, because in that moment-he had made me happy. So I left it all there- the dog, the rain…

 

help!! orange or apple???

see, in the beginning, i wasn’t exactly sure whether i wanted apples or oranges. oranges looked tempting, but i wasn’t sure if they were juicy enough on the inside. but apples on the other hand, looked a bit plain and red but i knew for sure that they were very juicy. so after giving it a lot of thought, i decided to go with the apple. for two years now i have constantly been preparing myself to eat the apple and just when i was about to get into the apple world, i began thinking about the orange. i looked back and saw that the door to the orange world was still open. i also saw that tempting orange which had made me want to get into the orange world. all of a sudden i began wondering whether i had made the right decision. i still knew that there was a huge possibility that the orange may not be juicy, but for so long now, my world had been so full of red that a little orange looked delightful. i started thinking about the delicious taste of the orange which i could have had. then i thought about the apple, and i knew that i would enjoy that taste too. but i wondered if i would miss the orange if i began eating the apple and if i would regret not eating the apple if the orange proved to be unsatisfactory.

some people say that i am an orange person and others say that i am an apple person. i think i am a bit of both. but recently, i have been yearning for the orange. but there is no guarantee that i will want the apple in sometime. its not really possible to eat both, but i can get a slight whiff of the orange in the apple world.

my head wants the apple and my heart wants the orange.

what should i do?

stick with the safe apple and a whiff of orange or the whole risky and tempting orange????

the gawky stranger

When Berry and Ray met for the very first time, they looked right into each other’s eyes. They were standing in two different corners of the cafeteria and though the place was crowded it was easy for them to look right at each other because both of them were tall. Unusually tall. When Berry saw him, she thought, ‘wow. a guy as gawky as me.’ And when Ray saw her, he thought ‘hmm.. a tall enough girl.’ Then when they both realized that the other person was looking at them a strange thing happened- a single thought occurred to both of them. ‘He/She might be the one!’ It was like all the other people bustling around the cafeteria became tiny ants and they could see nothing else but the gawky stranger in front of them. Then for the first time in her life, Berry smiled at a guy. It was the easiest and most natural smile she had ever given. And then the bell rang. Suddenly they both could see and hear everyone else around them and they felt very stupid.

***

That evening when Ray got on the bus he saw the girl again. Though she didn’t see him, her presence made him smile. A week later he mustered up the courage to talk to her.

***

A month later when Berry stepped into the restaurant for her first date with Ray, she realized that the place was very crowded. And when she looked up and saw her date across the room her eyes lit up and she smiled- something which she had been doing quite often now.

***

The day they filled out their college applications Ray picked up the phone and called his girlfriend and asked her, “Hey. You’re not changing your mind are you? We are applying to the same college right?” He smiled when he heard her say “Of course. Why would I change my mind?? “

***

Berry frantically walked up and down the hall. She kept looking at the phone. Ray’s call was due. His job interview should have been over by now. Her parents wouldn’t let her move in with him until he had a good job. Though she understood that they just wanted to protect her she also thought that it was quite silly of them to ask him to get a job first. It’s not like they were getting married tomorrow.

***

Ray slammed the door and stormed out. He stood outside for a minute but when he heard her cry he left the building. Not today. He needed some time to think. Some time to be alone. They had fought in the past. All through the 7 years that they had been together- they had fought like any other couple. But this time it was different. This time there was a possibility of the whole thing ending. He sat down on an empty park bench and considered the option. Things had not been going well lately. But after a moment or two he realized that the 7 weeks that were strained were nothing compared to the 7 years of bliss they had had. No. No, he could not let her go. They had been through half of high school, the whole of college and the beginning of their first jobs together. Why would he want to give up all that on a few strained weeks??? No way. What had he been thinking? This was Berry!! The girl he loved! He could never let her go. And definitely not over some silly argument.!! He ran back to their apartment.

***

Ray fidgeted with his hands as they walked through the park. He thought of the first time he had seen her. Across that cafeteria a million years ago. An odd thought had struck him, that this would be the girl he would end up with. How stupid had it sounded back then. But today as he ran his fingers over the ring in his coat pocket, it didn’t seem so stupid. When he popped the question, her eyes welled up with tears and she hugged him tight. He wanted to laugh loudly and scream and sing and thank the universe and its creator at the same time. He didn’t know which one to do, so he just hugged her tightly and began crying before she could. He knew that all his life he would be made fun of, for laughing before the bride to be. But he didn’t care. As long as he could have a family with her and tell their kids and grandkids about this day, he didn’t care if they would all laugh when they heard that he had been the first one to cry.

***

As she looked into the eyes of the man in front of her, she could see the reflection of her white gown in his deep, black eyes. She thought of all the moments they had shared-laughing, crying, studying,cooking,yelling,snuggling, relaxing, hugging and she couldnt think of a single person she would rather spend the rest of her life with.

She focused her thoughts on the priest and smiled as he began to say the most important words of her life.

“Do you take Rayner Evans to be your lawfully wedded husband, to share your life openly, standing with him, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease, to cherish and to love, so long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

“Do you take Bernadette Mitchell to be your lawfully wedded wife, to share your life openly, standing with her, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in hardship and in ease, to cherish and to love, so long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

what do i write about today??

you might notice that i haven’t posted anything for a really long time. that is because all this while i have been wondering what i can write about. there has been so much going on in my life in the past few days that i have been thinking about a lot of things and going through different ideas. and each time i sat at my table to write something for this blog my mind went blank and i began to wonder ‘what do i write about today?’
everyday i went through the same question over and over again, each time coming up with a better idea than the last one. in a short while there were so many things that i could write about that i was getting confused with the whole lot. every time i sat down to write i was thinking about soo many things that it was difficult to focus and stick to one thing. the times when i did manage to begin writing i would just start rambling and after a sentence or two i would start talking about a totally different topic without even realizing it. in this time i went through different blogs and sought different ideas and opinions on what to write. i literally typed ‘ideas to write a blog on’, in google.

you might wonder as to what different ideas did this girl get that she got so confused? (even if your not wondering i want to tell you)

well firstly my closest girlfriends have been having a hard time this past week or so. all’s not well for them and i wanted to write about life and the various surprises that it can bring us and how we need to stay positive and believe in a happy ending all through out. but at the same time i was going through this period of self-realization and i also wanted to tell you guys about me. who i really am and how i have realized different truths about myself.

also because of certain events feminism is on my mind a lot and i wanted to write about women, and how far we have come in standing up for ourselves. i had also written a short umm.. paragraph called ‘a moment’ and a friend had suggested that i expand that and write about it in a more elaborate way. while doing that i began thinking about life in a very spiritual manner and also about this association called ‘art of living’ that i am a part of. its based on spirituality and i was thinking about it a lot and i wanted to write about that too..

another association that i am a part of is called ‘chinmaya mission’ which is a religious body and it got me thinking about religion and how different people see it.. this also made me think about the difference between god and religion and the importance of both in our lives..

again there is a third association which i love dearly and it is called the ‘gavel club’. it is a public speaking forum backed by the toastmasters and its given me a lot of precious gifts. i wanted to write about the importance of public speaking in our lives and how most people neglect it.

like you can see, i was thinking about different things all through this week (some which i haven’t mentioned here) and when i actually sat down to write about it i couldnt choose. so i am still battling with the question ‘what should i write about today?’ and i hope i find an answer soon enough…………..

oh and if you have any suggestions please let me know..

this one is for all the writer’s who get confused.