My First Blogoversary!!! :)

After thinking all day about how to make this day special and what can I possibly paste today which will be completely different and unique, I still have no idea!! I am happy that I have been blogging for a year now – but that’s just how I can describe the feeling – as happy. no more, no less. I remember this time last year; I had an exam the next day and I really wasn’t interested in studying, so I went online and started browsing. eventually I came across this article on Yahoo which took me to a another article, written on a WordPress.com blog – ‘My Pakistani Life And Other Disasters.’ it was quick, witty, to the point and had this sarcastic humour which just tickled me the right way. I never really found that blog after that day, but it impressed me so much that I knew I had to have my own blog. That first day, it was like getting a new phone – exploring every nook and corner of my dashboard, my blog and finding out how things worked on wordpress. I read about half a dozen blogs before I carefully posted my very first post. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I felt it wasn’t really ready. I wasn’t ready for the criticisms/praises coming my way from my family and friends. I remember the next day, I couldn’t help smiling in the exam hall thinking about my new blog. it was like this secret of mine – it felt like I had a treasure map or something. and today, when I look at my archives – it goes from august 2010 to august 2011!! for some reason that really pleases me. it feels like I have finished an entire circle. I have learnt so much – from other bloggers and from my blog too. and I can’t help but feel that my writing has improved too. I still have a long way to go, but at least this is a start. I have changed this last one year, as a person and as a writer and this blog has made me more serious about taking up writing professionally. whatever said and done, I love this blog with all my heart and soul and today we completed one year of this marvelous writing experience!!!!

Happy Blogoversary to me!!!

a new life.. and perhaps a new beginning!! :)

i sort of began a new life today. i started a ten day crash course for my upcoming cpt exam and i am also beginning college soon. imagine!! college – me!! it doesn’t feel like i am big enough to go to college. but, apparently i am. for a long time i was scared about this new life that i was going to enter. i knew this was going to be less fun and more hard work. i knew i would have to seriously study for the next 4 to 5 years (by which time i hope to finish my C.A.) and i knew that i would have to cut back on a lot of things that i love. right up to today morning, i was scared. but – i loved it!! i freaking loved it!! Cpt students are the types who study seriously; who work at a fast pace and who don’t need to be taught things step by step. we are known to have a pretty good I.Q. and it felt so good to be in a class full of people just like me. in fact, at some points of the lecture i actually felt quite dumb compared to the other students!! i know its weird that i like being dumb, but its just such a refreshing change!! also the topics were really interesting and i didn’t even realize how the time flew by. it was a four hour lecture and i listened for more than three hours!! the last part i didn’t listen to because i was hungry i can’t think when i’m hungry or sleepy or if i have to pee (no, seriously – i can’t) and yeah, there will be some cutbacks, but i think they will be worth it. instead of those things i have new things in my life now. it feels very good to be taken seriously, to be treated as more than a kid – to be treated as a responsible person. (hey – maybe i am growing up!! ) God!! i am really obsessed with smilies!! and exclamatory marks!! but more on that later. its just that – for the past two months or so i was feeling a bit down – i was in a funk maybe. and it seems like all those depressing feelings have been washed off with last night’s rain. i like what i am doing right now and i hope i am able to maintain this and to be able to strike a balance between all the things i want to do. i still have to figure my life out, but for now – i know that i am happy with the direction that it is taking. and i am super excited to start college. i have no idea what its going to be like. i don’t know what to wear, what to take, whether or not to take my phone along, etc etc. but like i said – i’m yet to figure all that out. but like every year the monsoon has again lifted my spirits and i hope that this time i am able to keep it that way

project ME

i have been pondering over the question ‘who am i really??’ lately. trying to place myself and deciding what kind of a person i am is not easy. but yet i have been analyzing myself, part by part, looking at myself from different angles. and then i learnt this:
i talk too much.
i am very sensitive.
i am lazy and slow.
i am confused about my career.
i am fat.
i am alone, but not lonely.
i love to write.
i love to read.
i love watching movies.
i love analyzing everything under the sun.
i am considerate.
i make a conscious effort to improve myself.
i am dedicated to any project i undertake out of my own interest.
i am not half-bad a dancer.
i am NOT a singer .
though i do not feel hurt by other people’s opinions about me, somewhere deep inside it does prick.
i cannot keep a secret.
i love my blog.
i want to be a writer and a practising C.A.
i can put a little more effort into everything i do.

i don’t even know why i am writing all this but i do know self realization has become very important to me. i want to organize my life, so that i can do everything more efiiciently. i have seen improvement in myself and though i am changing at a snail’s pace .. i am definitely moving towards being a person i can actually be satisfied with.

it’s like i have undertaken my own project. i.e, i have undertaken a project to improve myself. and the first leg of identifying and accepting, both the good and the bad in me, is over.

what am i about?

from the time i have had this blog, i kept changing something about it. like initially i kept changing the theme. then my headers and backgrounds changed. then i tried to experiment with my tagline. now i am obsessed with my ‘about’ page. i have been visiting a lot of blogs lately and their about columns are simple, yet interesting and informative. i am tired of the same old stuff that i keep writing about me. i want to change it. i want to make it better.
but when i think about it.. what about me is worth telling the world????
i have been wondering for the past one hour or so who i really am. what i stand for, what i want to do and the main question.
what is my focus in life???
forget that. i don’t even know what the focus of this blog is!
i was reading learn.wordpress (http://learn.wordpress.com/get-focused/) and daily post (http://dailypost.wordpress.com/).both tell us that every time we need inspiration we should remember why we started this blog in the first place. to be frank i started this blog because i had nothing better to do.
but yet, that chance entry into this world of blogging has changed me. but that does not help the fact that i still don’t know what my focus is.
there are so many things that i still have to learn at wordpress and so many things i want to share.
i want people to read my blog, to comment and criticize it and in this process, help me grow as a writer.
so what the hell am i about?? how do i write a better and more creative ‘about’ page which i will be satisfied with????

what do i write about today??

you might notice that i haven’t posted anything for a really long time. that is because all this while i have been wondering what i can write about. there has been so much going on in my life in the past few days that i have been thinking about a lot of things and going through different ideas. and each time i sat at my table to write something for this blog my mind went blank and i began to wonder ‘what do i write about today?’
everyday i went through the same question over and over again, each time coming up with a better idea than the last one. in a short while there were so many things that i could write about that i was getting confused with the whole lot. every time i sat down to write i was thinking about soo many things that it was difficult to focus and stick to one thing. the times when i did manage to begin writing i would just start rambling and after a sentence or two i would start talking about a totally different topic without even realizing it. in this time i went through different blogs and sought different ideas and opinions on what to write. i literally typed ‘ideas to write a blog on’, in google.

you might wonder as to what different ideas did this girl get that she got so confused? (even if your not wondering i want to tell you)

well firstly my closest girlfriends have been having a hard time this past week or so. all’s not well for them and i wanted to write about life and the various surprises that it can bring us and how we need to stay positive and believe in a happy ending all through out. but at the same time i was going through this period of self-realization and i also wanted to tell you guys about me. who i really am and how i have realized different truths about myself.

also because of certain events feminism is on my mind a lot and i wanted to write about women, and how far we have come in standing up for ourselves. i had also written a short umm.. paragraph called ‘a moment’ and a friend had suggested that i expand that and write about it in a more elaborate way. while doing that i began thinking about life in a very spiritual manner and also about this association called ‘art of living’ that i am a part of. its based on spirituality and i was thinking about it a lot and i wanted to write about that too..

another association that i am a part of is called ‘chinmaya mission’ which is a religious body and it got me thinking about religion and how different people see it.. this also made me think about the difference between god and religion and the importance of both in our lives..

again there is a third association which i love dearly and it is called the ‘gavel club’. it is a public speaking forum backed by the toastmasters and its given me a lot of precious gifts. i wanted to write about the importance of public speaking in our lives and how most people neglect it.

like you can see, i was thinking about different things all through this week (some which i haven’t mentioned here) and when i actually sat down to write about it i couldnt choose. so i am still battling with the question ‘what should i write about today?’ and i hope i find an answer soon enough…………..

oh and if you have any suggestions please let me know..

this one is for all the writer’s who get confused.