Blink and its gone

Okay so I admit I got lazy and gave up on my blog for a long time. Yes, I took a break from blogging citing studying and emotional upheaval as my main reasons.When I look back, that sounds stupid because writing would have probably made it easier for me to get through a few tough days and it would have been a stress buster during continuous studying sessions as well. But at that time, I didn’t feel inspired to write and I’ve never written a word without some inspiration. And so I didn’t. But now things are different. I was a good writer, on the route to be a better writer and I don’t want to give that up. I might be a little rusty, my content might not be very good and my blog may not be getting many views, but I told myself that I would continue to write no matter what. So yeah, I’m still uninspired and on most days I force myself to write. I set targets and make myself accomplish them. But though my posts aren’t very creative or innovative, it still makes me happy when I write. And I think that’s the first step and the creativity will slowly come back. I really hope I don’t give up on it this time. And as of now I am using every last ounce of willpower to make myself stick to this blog. And I read somewhere that you only have a certain amount of willpower to use everyday. If you use it to keep yourself on a diet in the morning, you will have no willpower left to study in the evening. So at the risk of putting on a few extra pounds, I am using all my willpower to keep writing. In order to help myself write I’ve taken these tiny steps right now:

• I keep memos and reminders on my phone and around my room
• I’ve set aside an hour every night to write
• I installed the WordPress app on my phone so that I can write anywhere
• I am using the following sites to get some inspiration

Inspiration Monday

750words.com

oneword.com

And the problems I am currently facing are:

• I can feel my hold on grammar and punctuation slipping
• I desperately need to go back to typing class (God I am so slow!)
• I can never get a good and catchy title
• I don’t seem to be getting much traffic – the comments and suggestions to my posts would really keep me going before
• I do not want to use a picture from google to support my posts anymore, but I pretty much suck at clicking photos (also my phone only has a 3 mega pixel camera)
• Before, a lot of my posts would involve things that happened around me. I’ve been sitting at home for the past month and a half because of exams and I barely go out – so I have nothing to write about from my surroundings
• which brings me back to the problem of inspiration

So, I’m dealing with these things for now. But another thing that has been bugging me is how much change that has happened since I was last here. When I logged into wordpress after around 6 months, the site itself took me by shock. Well all the changes with the site are good and technology does change fast, but it feels so horrible when I don’t know how to use a few features which used to be at the tip of my fingers before. The wordpress people have sort of shuffled my dashboard around and it looks terrific but I just don’t know how to use it properly anymore. That makes me feel sooo old – and I’m just 18! Plus, I see that what happened to me has also happened to a lot of other people. When I visited a few of my favorite blogs, I noticed that the bloggers had been absent for a while and most of them had been caught up in work, school and life in general. Its so sad to see such good writers, take a break from writing. Seeing these blogs in this state is sort of making it a little hard for me to keep writing. But nevertheless, my brain has now split into 2 halves. One which ensures I keep writing and the other is the meek and cowardly writer who is just about coming out of hiding and is sprinkling some confidence and creativity over me. Also, another problem I forgot to mention, is that I have a hard time coming up with a good close for  my posts. For example, I’ve said all I had to say in this post and I have no idea how to close it now. But I think leaving you hanging is slightly better than me continuing to ramble on and on about the same topic. So, that’s all folks. I’m done.

Diya jale, jaan jale – Happy Diwali!

It is that time of the year again! Yes, the festival of lights is back! Hindus all over the globe are cleaning their homes, lighting diyas all around the house, distributing sweets, buying new clothes and having the time of their lives. This festival marks mainly the return of King Rama of Ayodhya after 14 years of exile. It is said that when their King returned home, the citizens of Ayodhya lit up their homes with lamps to mark his return. Ever since, Diwali has been celebrated. Other important aspects of Diwali include, Lakshmi Puja, Naraka Chaturdhashi, Dhan Teras, etc. (no I am not explaining all that. There is something called wikipedia meant for that ) The most important part of this festival though, is undoubtedly the lighting of lamps. So if you could just stop and think for a minute, do lighting of lamps also involve lighting firecrackers? Of course, they are an immense source of light; but they are a bigger source of noise and air pollution than of light. We have our simple, innocent and harmless diyas to provide light. And we cannot forget the electric lights that we can put up to provide extra lighting in place of fire crackers.

Diwali might be one of the most auspicious festivals for us, but I think being a bit environmental friendly is more auspicious than getting carried away by the festivities. During Diwali the level of sulphur dioxide in air rises by 200 per cent. In addition to this, carbon monoxide, nitrous oxide, sulphur dioxide and other elements like chromium, cadmium and mercury are released during the bursting of fire crackers. The crackers contain harmful chemicals such as lead, magnesium, zinc and copper all of which release toxic fumes when burnt and cause pollution. This is one of the major causes for ozone depletion as well. Do we really want to live in an environment where we are inhaling so many toxic fumes? Celebrations are necessary, but in light of the current environmental wreckage we need to tone down the celebrations a little. Lets try and celebrate diwali in a more eco friendly way from now on. For me, this is the 8th year without crackers. Instead, I light diyas around my house, put a rangoli, distribute sweets, and spend my entire cracker allowance on shopping! For those of you who have already stopped using crackers, lets try and spread the message; and for those of you who haven’t, how about you start trying now?

This is what I did in my house, post links of your diwali pictures in the comments below and I’ll upload them here.

This is what Bharath Rao sent me

The Key To Dying

I lay awake most nights, thinking about him. Wondering how he actually did it. Thinking about it is different, I’ve done that a million times; maybe even before him. But actually mustering up the courage to do it, well that is something I can’t figure out. How did he do it? I wonder..

Here I am, lying awake yet again; thinking about him. How did he lie there? Wasn’t .. he .. scared? How did he …. ?

…

HUH? What just happened? I guess I must have fallen asleep. But I swear I heard something. Someone, perhaps.. ‘Hello? Is anyone there?’

‘Yes Ricky, I’m here.’

‘Sam? What are you doing here? I thought you were dead.’

‘I am dead. But you keep thinking about me all the time. So I had to come back and answer your questions.’

‘Oh.. all right.. then tell me.. how did you do it?’

‘The key to dying Ricky, is to die on the inside first. If you are going to be thinking about mom, dad and Jo when you have a knife to your throat, you will never be able to do it. You have to be dead inside. Your senses must be dead. You should learn not to care about them, about life. You should be convinced that whatever comes afterwards is better. Or you won’t be able to do it Ricky.’

‘Dead on the inside? So you didn’t think about me before you slit your throat? You didn’t think of mom and dad crying all day? Why Sam? Didn’t you love us anymore?’

‘I did love you Ricky. And I will always love you guys. I realize that now. But like I said, you have to be dead on the inside. So that day, when I decided to do it, I didn’t realize that I loved you.’

‘Do you think I should do it Sam? I hate living in a house that mourns your death every day.They have forgotten about Jo and me. Even Jo and I have forgotten about ourselves. And you will be there for me when I do it, won’t you Sam? So it won’t be that bad right?’

…

‘Sam! Don’t just stand there and smile! TELL ME! WILL YOU BE THERE FOR ME IF I DO IT? SAM I NEED YOU TO ANSWER ME! TELL ME SAM! TELL ME! SAM!’

‘Ricky?’

‘Is it better on the other side Sam? Is it better than this life?’

‘Ricky?’

‘I need to know Sam, I really need to know!!’

‘Ricky?’

‘Sam’

‘Ricky? RICKY?’

‘Sam?’

‘Ricky! Wake up!! Its me – mom’

‘Mom?’

I opened my eyes. She was standing there, teary eyed.

‘He .. he.. is gone Ricky. He’s .. been .. gone .. a .. a .. a .. long time.’

As she broke into a sob, I hugged her tightly. I don’t know how he did it. I can’t be dead inside. I can’t forget I love these people. I just can’t.

‘I love you mom.’

Inspiration Monday

Inspiration Monday (InMon) is a weekly writing challenge designed to spark your imagination. Every Monday, five vague writing prompts are posted, with which you can do anything you like.  The rules are as strict or as loose as the participants choose, and genius inevitably ensues. This post was a result of an InMon prompt.

Movie review: Skyfall (007)

Produced by: Michael G Wilson

Directed by: Sam Mendes

Story by: Neal Purvis, Robert Wade, John Logan

Starring: Daniel Craig, Judi Dench

 

 

 

 

 

 

The movie starts out with a typical Bond chase which takes place in Turkey, I think. And though we don’t know what Bond is up to, we still watch eagerly as he runs behind the bad guy, chases him over rooftops and trains, damages half the city and engages in varied number of fight sequences. And at the end of it all, he dies. Yes, James Bond gets shot by another agent and he dies. But of course, we all know that he can’t actually die and we wait and watch to find out what’s actually happening. The scene then shifts to M. And it turns out that the guy Bond was chasing, had a file which contained information of all the secret agents who were working undercover, most of them being placed in dangerous locations. Knowing that the person who had the file would soon expose these agents, M has to act fast. At the very same time, there is a security breach in the network of the secret service, and MI6 is bombed. Bond, who was vacationing on some beach till this point, decides to come back. And the rest of the movie follows how Bond and M uncover the identity of the person who has the file and has hacked into their network.
The movie is absolutely thrilling, with not a single moment of boredom. You blink, and you miss something. It really keeps the audience engaged till the very end. It has those moments where you think all is well and the movie is over but then suddenly there is a new twist in the story. The direction, action, acting, etc are impeccable of course, and Daniel Craig has outdone himself yet again. The dialogues are simply Bond-like; witty and quick. My favorite is when Bond is asked, ‘what is your hobby?’ And his quick reply is, ‘resurrection’. All in all, it is a typical Bond movie which has all the gadgets and the girls, but there is also something very unconventional about this movie, especially the climax. Something Bond fans will thoroughly enjoy and want to go back to, every now and then. In short, its a must watch!

Little perks of life

Living right next to your school always has its advantages. When my dad was a boy, his house was right in front of his school. And he says that he could see his classroom and the staff room from his dining table itself. So he wouldn’t leave for school till he saw his teacher getting out of the staffroom and he would still make it to class on time. I live right behind my school. And though my dad stayed in an independent house, I live in a flat. I can see my primary school playground from my room and the roof of the rest of the school. Though I couldn’t see my teacher getting out of the staffroom, I could here the bell loud and clear from home, so I wouldn’t leave till I absolutely had to. Also many a time, my parents have stood in the balcony and waved out to me and the rest of my class when we had p.t. And when you are 10 or 11 years old.. that’s quite a thrill to you!

Of course, once I got out of school none of those applied to me. And since I start college earlier than school and finish later than the school, when I’m home I only get to see a quiet building from my room which hardly qualifies for a school. But the days I have off, I am often woken up by the shrieking pre-teens singing during the morning prayer! They murder the national anthem every single day when they sing it and I keep asking my mom if we were that horrible when we were in school!! She tells me that we were worse every single time!! :/
Then as the day progresses, I can sometimes hear some of my teachers screaming in class.. and no, my flat is not that close to the classrooms – its a good 10 feet above – my teachers were just that loud. They are probably the reason I’m a little hard of hearing today. And not all the loud music I constantly listen to as my mom seems to think. Sheesh ma!
During recess I look at the kids playing in the ground. When I see a bunch of 3 girls walking hand in hand, I think of my two best friends and me. When I see a larger bunch of girls glaring at these 3 girls I remember all the girls I used to hate. I see them playing the same games I used to, laughing and shouting just as I used to. Nostalgia, I tell you!
When I feel really low and can’t get myself out of my bed I go and watch these kids. And for some unexplanable reason – it gives me inspiration.
There are also a few other perks like being able to watch all the school cultural events that take place on the ground, watching them march on sports day etc. Also, since there is a bell every 40 minutes, it really helps me keep track of time when I’m studying!
So I thought these were the advantages of staying near your school. But today I discovered another advantage. As I was walking home today, I had to pass by my school (as usual) but since its a working day for them, for once I actually got to see little girls sitting in class instead of seeing empty classrooms which is what I normally see when I go home from college. Today I saw my eigth grade teacher teaching her class. And though the’ve changed the uniforms, the colour of the buildings and the principal since I was there, most of the teachers are still the same. And so I could see her instructing the little girls and yelling at one or two naughty ones just as she would yell at me. She had a very quirky way of yelling at you, which made you want to laugh but you couldn’t because your teacher was yelling at you! I saw the same expression on her face after so many years. All I wanted to do at that moment was to rush into her class and hug her. But then I figured it would be slightly awkward if I did that! So you see.. staying near your school always has its advantages.

Lost Shoe

After a really long time, A post inspired by - Inspiration Monday!

When I was small I had one pair of shoes which were my all time favorite. I would wear them to school, to play, to functions and sometimes even to bed! I wouldn’t let anyone else touch it because they meant the world to me. I do not remember exactly why that pair was so important to me but to date I can remember the broad smile I would give the minute I saw them each morning. In a little girl’s world – they were everything that mattered. But then one fine morning I woke up, got dressed for school and went out to put on my shoes – but! They weren’t there! I looked all over and practically turned my house upside down but I couldn’t find them. As I sat dejectedly on my front porch my Dad came out and made me put on another pair in a hurry. That was the first time my little mind could remember going to school without my favorite pair of shoes. All day that day, I would look down and wish that I was wearing my shoes. Without them, I felt incomplete. That was a very sad day for me – at least in those simple times it was! The next morning I sat down on my porch again, not wanting to put on my other shoes. My dad came out again, and this time he realized that something was wrong. When he found out it was all over a pair of shoes, he laughed. He then told me that the things in our lives wouldn’t be with us forever. No matter how much we love it and want to stay with it forever, there will come a time when it has to go. Times will change and we will have to move on. And that was just a shoe at the end of the day. So he asked me to put on the other pair, carry my smile along with me and go to school. That was my first lesson in life and that day I went to school and thought about other things. By the end of the day, I had forgotten all about my favorite shoes. I always wondered what happened to that shoe but I guess some mysteries remain mysteries forever.

Many years later, when missing shoes were the least of my problems – I met a person. A person so similar to me, that it surprised me. The more we got to know each other, the more we realized that we were distinctly alike. We would often say – we are the same but we’re different. That person knew practically everything about me and I began to think that I knew a lot about him too. After a really long time I felt like I had a friend who could really understand me. We became the best of friends and were always together. We helped each other out and never hid anything from each other. I had a new best friend and this thrilled me! But after a while I began to feel that this friend was being a little distant. I tried to understand what was going on in his life and I tried to help him, but the more I tried to help – the more distant he seemed. Eventually, I couldn’t even get through to him. There was this lost look in his eyes which I couldn’t understand. He moved so far away that I couldn’t find my best friend in him anymore. I searched in his eyes, for a glimpse of that person that I had seen in him. But it wasn’t there. As I pondered over this change, I remembered my lost shoe. I had never really found out where it had gone, but I remembered my dad telling me that not everything remains the same in life. I realized I had to move on. I picked myself up, put on a smile and went on with my life. If he needed me, I would always be there for him. If not – it would be yet another mystery of life.

I opened my eyes and realized that the world was a beautiful place :)

When you are buried down by a ton of tasks – all of them being equally important, you tend to forget to look at the world around you. That was my situation up to a few days ago. The weight on my shoulders had never felt heavier and as I began to hunch, I couldn’t look up anymore – at the beautiful sky. Tears which flowed frequently didn’t let me see the dew drops, the rain, the clouds, the birds and the stars. I lay cooped up and blocked out all the sunlight from my life. I abandoned everyone until I felt like I had abandoned myself.

 

And then I saw a hand – a hand reaching out to help me, to show me what I was so desperately trying to block out. I was hesitant at first, but I grabbed the hand and felt myself being yanked out. The first thing I saw were smiles. Smiles all around me welcoming me back from the land of the dead. The hand took me around and showed me the world, after which I finally let go. I was ready to stand on my own. I looked up and saw everything that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I opened my eyes and realized that the world was a beautiful place. I felt.. free!

Changing times

Back when we were little kids, we had that habit of wearing our mom’s/dad’s shoes, trying on mom’s make-up, using dad’s aftershave, parading around with our mom’s duppattas on our heads or wearing our dad’s ties around our necks which would practically reach the floor back then! Yeah, well I too had that habit and one of the few things I distinctly remember doing was opening my mom’s wallet and looking at it in awe. That was because it had a whole lot of compartments in it and each compartment had a whole lot of money in it, in addition to the various credit cards, visiting cards, bills, receipts and what not! I too had a wallet back then which would consist of a ten rupee note and a few coins at the most. So when I would look at my mom’s wallet It was like a tour in a museum for me because I could never imagine having any of those things in my wallet! But I would still try to make it look like her’s by putting in fake, self-made, paper credit cards, bills which had fallen out of my dad’s shirt pocket and other things like that. I also remember this pair of white-heeled shoe that my mom owned which I was completely mesmerized by. My feet would barely occupy half of the shoe, but I would still walk around in them pretending I was a big girl attending a fancy party. I would look at my mom and wonder how she was so tall. I couldn’t wait to grow that tall and wear such shoes and carry big wallets like her’s.

Cut to 2012 – I am three inches taller than my mom, and two shoe sizes bigger! My wallet greatly resembles her’s except for it has smaller denominations as I am still a student. And of course, she prefers wallets in a very subtle colour range of black, brown, beige and cream. Me? Blue, purple, orange, red are more my colours! But the bottom line is , I don’t remember when I crossed that phase of wanting to be like my mum and reached that phase where I greatly resemble her! I might still be a kid, but I am treated more like a grown-up now. I have a few responsibilities and people understand that I am not very immature any more (of course, they haven’t seen me around my friends ) It feels good to finally have gotten to this stage, but sometimes I wonder where all that time went. So yeah, times have definitely changed a lot!

Why did I choose WordPress of all the blogging softwares?

A lot of people ask me, ‘why WP? why not blogger or typepad?’ Well how many other hosts send a personalized report to all their members? I know its just a computerized thing which does it automatically for everyone.. But that too takes quite some time and plus its feels so good when everything your teeny little blog did in the past year is put together in such an attractive manner! These ‘helper-monkeys’ sure did manage to bring a smile to my face! They also managed to motivate me to blog more often, especially after the dry spell I’ve had this past month. The fireworks, I think, were the best part – one for each post you’ve written in the entire year. And when the fireworks just don’t stop – well, you feel like you’ve accomplished something, no matter how small the accomplishment actually is.

Kudos to the WordPress team for taking care of almost everything!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 5,800 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 5 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.