Love and Practicality


I miss those innocent little times when my days were filled with barbie dolls and my nights with fairy tales. Right from then we were made to believe in Prince Charmings, happy endings, love stories etc. All our lives as little girls we lived with the hope that one day there would be a prince charming and a magical fairy tale-ish love story waiting for us. But then we grew up and reality hit us! We realized that there were no fairy tales, tooth fairies and santas. There were only compromises, mirages of happiness and an occassional person who gets lucky and finds true love. These fairy tales seem so distant now. I cannot believe that I actually ever believed them. But a part of me also envies that little me who was capable of such imagination and belief. Just when we had fallen in love with these fairy tales, society made us grow up and face facts. We had to become practical. And today, we’ve become so practical that we wonder who makes glass slippers? whether Rapunzel ever has split ends and why Snow White hadn’t been given glucose drips when she was in coma.


v/s

Today love seems like a theory to me. Which is understandable but not easily applicable. Most of us look around all our lives desparately hunting for love, often substituting it with other shallow meaningless relationships. We trick ourselves into believing that every tiny emotion is love because we are scared that the probability of two people who are made for each other actually meeting each other is against us.

A Couple/The World Population = 2/7000000000 = 2.85714286 × 10-10

Of course, Indian girls have the other option of arranged marriage, which after seeing the number above is a relief actually. You know that your parents will find some guy for you who is remotely like you and you have a remote chance, but a chance nevertheless at being happy. A lot of people criticize the Indian marriage system, but I’ve found that it does work at times. It has the same rate of success that love marriages have, and since the latter includes going out, socializing, finding a guy, getting him to like you – whoa! doesn’t sound like something people like me are capable of. From the time girls like me (who don’t get noticed much, have a small friends circle, cannot woo a guy, girls-only school types, who have more brains than beauty – you get the type) start noticing guys in that way we start picturing very fancy  soul mates, as we don’t have a lot of experience with guys and don’t know what guys are actually like in a relationship. As a result our dream-boys usually have a mix of Shahrukh Khan‘s charms, Salman Khan‘s body and Hrithik Roshan‘s dance moves. So again, when reality hits and we notice the real, average-looking guys around us, most of our dreams are shattered.

When we were around 12-13 our ideal guy would have been someone who

  • loved us
  • danced/sang/painted/wrote poetry
  • cooked
  • did gooey mushy romantic stuff for us
  • agreed to every little whim and fancy that we had
  • never looked at any other girl
  • loved and respected his family
  • etc etc etc.

around 5 years later, we come to a stage where we want a guy who

  • doesn’t smoke/do drugs
  • doesn’t have his jeans below his butt
  • texts us every now and then
  • doesn’t have too many whims and fancies that we have to agree to
  • looks only at girls and not at guys
  • atleast has a family and is still in contact with them
  • etc etc etc

I wonder what will happen by the time we are 25?

So my basic question is, after all these confused notions of love which have been inspired by fairy tales, movies, books etc what are girls like me supposed to look forward to? A marriage which involves more family obligations, children and cooking than love? Or hope to some day be lucky enough to find that soul mate – however remote the chances may be! Is the modern Indian teenage girl more practical than romantic?

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16 thoughts on “Love and Practicality

  1. And here is a guy who fell in love, thought he had found the one for him, or thought nothing at all, eloped, married, had a kid, and at 27, still knows nothing of him 😦

  2. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this excellent blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to fresh updates and will share this blog with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

  3. hiiiii….rashmi i just wanted to ask u that have u ever fallen in love ????have u loved a guy enouh that u feel he is the one for u???? if yes then u will get ur All the answers urself…but if NO then it will be difficult bcoz love has that power if its true love

  4. Rashmi,
    I stumbled across your blog right into this article that made me smile and wonder. Smile, because you’re spot on with many of your insights about love and relationships. Wonder, because it sometimes sounds so detached for someone as young as you are. Could it be that you are fishing for compliments, when you state you have more brains than beauty?
    Well, if you mean beauty as in “supermodel” or “Bollywood star”, then maybe you’ve raised the bar too high. The vast majority of the world population just isn’t like that. Being average, having family and friends and a roof over your head already is a privilege many don’t have. And, looking at your profile photo, I see a charming young lady that shouldn’t complain about a lack of beauty! At most, maybe, about a little lack of self-confidence… 😉

    You think your life isn’t happening?
    Well: You’re young. You’re smart. So, life is yours for the taking! Go GET it! Because, if you stand on your own two feet and live *your* live, so many things will just work out naturally.

    It’s not about the talents or the appearance we’ve been given, it’s about what we *make* of it. And this goes for love as well, imho. Falling in love is one thing (a very nice one, indeed), but maintaining it and keeping the fire of a loving relationship burning doesn’t come automatically. It requires continuous effort on both ends. So, being practical about that isn’t so bad and it’s definitely better than waiting for a fairy tale to happen!
    May I recommend you something to read about love? It’s “The Art Of Loving” by Erich Fromm, which was an eye-opener to me and saved me from running into more catastrophes than necessary 😉 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Art_of_Loving
    Looking forward to reading a writeup of your experience with this book here, soon…

    Have a nice life,
    Uwe

    1. Uwe,
      Thanks for reading and commenting here! 🙂 Glad I made you smile but I am NOT fishing for compliments. I merely meant that I am not the prettiest person in a room or the dumbest one. But that doesn’t mean that I am the ugliest person in the room or the smartest one. And while I may lack a bit of self-confidence I am not entirely unhappy with myself either.
      I assume you refer to my tagline when you ask if I don’t think my life is happening. That is just a catchy phrase I liked and doesn’t have an exact literal relevance to my life. But yes, my life is pretty slow paced, mostly revolving around college, home, studies, friends, blogging and a few other hobbies. I don’t go out that much and I don’t like socializing. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like my life being that way. I am perfectly happy with a life like this.
      I see that you too are of the opinion that being practical is sometimes better in these matters. Also, I would love to read the book you recommend and I will do so as soon as I can, but me schedule is pretty tight right now as I have a very important exam coming up in May, which is why I’ve had to cut back on my reading and blogging time. But I will nevertheless try to get to it as soon as I can!
      Thanks for all the advice and sharing your opinion!
      Hope you have a great life too,
      Rashmi
      🙂

  5. Though its been long since it was written, the concept still remains so Thought-provoking..

    May be your life is been changed many folds by now however the questions which you somehow invoke in here stir the grey matter.. 🙂

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